I have been trying to deny poly for a year. Just not even think about it, and when I do think about immediately tell myself I am wrong. It will never work. It is just a fantasy. There was just so much hurt and pain associated with the word that it was hard to even consider trying again.
Then while sitting on the couch something happened. It was like a small spark restarted my brain. For one small moment I got a taste of how amazing, and full of love poly can be again. I remembered all the good times. All the laughs and happy memories. Way back before the awkward silence, and general feeling of not belonging.
So much I could type but only one sentence seems to fit it all….
"I get way too sensitive when I get attached to someone. I can detect the slightest change in the tone of their voice, and suddenly I’m spending all day trying to figure out what I did wrong." (Amman, Jordan)
This is what I needed. Total isolation and just some time with my thoughts in the great outdoors. My 4 day weekend has yet to go as planned but it has still been perfect.
Oh hello 29!! We shall meet soon. I don’t know if you got the memo, but it is going to be one hell of a year!!!
"I’m a neuroscience researcher." "If you could give one piece of advice to a large group of people, what would it be?" "Listen to your inner voice." "You’re a scientist. Isn’t ‘inner voice’ a spiritual term?" "Bullshit! You’ll hear scientists talking about following their inner voice as much as you’d hear a musician or a priest." "So how do you know which of your thoughts are your true inner voice?" "All of them are! The question is— how much weight do you give them? How much authority do you give your own thoughts? Are you taking them seriously? Or are you sitting in front of the damn tube letting other people tell you what to think?"
This guy is bad ass, and I would love nothing more than to sit down and talk to him!!
I love that everyone at work has so much faith in me, but I am scared shitless that this is all on me.